The first holiday is under my belt!

Well I made it through Thanksgiving, for that I am thankful. The holiday gathering itself was awful! Family troubles and strife that were ridiculous. I had a little turkey, mashed spuds, and gravy. Everything else had sugar or lots of fat. I had no dessert because I forgot to make myself some. Oh well.

Jeff and I escaped for a long weekend. First we canceled due to poor economy, family troubles and strife, and Jeff just getting over being sick. Then Thursday we said to heck with it and hopped in the car and went up north. I am finding eating is somewhat difficult at this stage just because of what is in some foods. I can't do any sugars (except for natural sugar which is in foods), I can't do deep fried, no white bread, and very small portions. Eating breakfast at our hotel was wonderful. The staff gave me my 1 piece of toast and cream cheese, scrambled egg with cheese. I drank milk later in the day to get my protein in. Lunch was not even too bad. We ate at Potbelly's, my favorite place. They have great hot subs and they make a skinny version so I was able to have a tuna sub with cheese in a skinny. I ate a little of the whole wheat bread and then used a fork to scoop up the remainder of the goodies. Unfortunately supper did not fair as well. My fault I did not think about what I ordered. Teriakyi chicken breast. Teriakyi sauce has sugar. Cindy was sick!!!! We were shopping in Macy's and I could feel that I was going to lose it. Luckily our hotel was right there and we could run up to the room quickly and sick was I. I dumped. Boy that is horrible. Luckily for me though I felt okay after dumping. We were able to go to the parade and enjoy the rest of the evening. I have learned the hard way, carefully choose your meal! Carefully!

Anyway I am down to 285. WOW. Like I mean I have lost a lot of me. I have not been below 300 in years and then to be this far below already. I am feeling stronger. Loving walking much longer. (Yup I walked like a banshee all weekend!)

Life is good. Dain gave me a big hug and told me how proud he was of me. Means a lot to this mom especially from a child you think never notices anything at all in life but himself.

Turkey day is just around the corner.

I am feeling a little blue about things I cannot eat for the holiday, stuffing, pumpkin pie, cranberries, and mom's sweet potatoes. I will miss my glass of wine.

I know I will feel better this year than I have in years past. I will not be stuffed and miserable. I will be comfortable and be able to enjoy myself. I will be wide awake while others are sleepy.

I am running out of clothes. Isn't that just bizzare! I got on the scale this morning and it read 290. I am the shrinking woman. I fit in booths. I fit comfortably in the chair at the salon to get my hair colored. I do get hungry for foods. I tried tacos. Yum, as long as the shell was fried crispy I could eat it, but I think today I will just do the meat, cheese, tomatoe, and sour cream.

Aquasizing is great fun. I am so impressed at the encouragement I recieve from the girls in the class. All except the instructor are old enough to be my mother.

Anyhow things are going good. I have to remember to eat slowly, don't drink with meals, chew my food very well, and don't let myself get too hungry. I also have to exercise and work at staying fit and getting fit.

This year I am thankful for my supportive friends, family, and a healthier me. Kayaking is just a few months away......

Ouch!

I am faithfully exercising an hour every day in the pool doing water aerobics and I hurt in ways I never realized would hurt. I am so out of shape physically. Hopefully with each passing day this will get better. I am the next to youngest in the class. The instructer is a year younger than me. We were in high school at the same time. She has always been an interesting person, walking to the beat of a different drummer. Very "earthy". She and her husband live on an acreage south of town. He does the most amazing stain glass. She has worked at Opportunity Village for 20 years and from what I see the people love her. She is so upbeat and positive. When I came the first day she spent the session working with me to get me in tune to the exercises.

I love the water so this is a great exercise for me. The price is also amazingly right. For $70 a year you can swim anytime you want. You can go to all of the exercise classes that you want. Right now they have them twice a week at night and 5 times a week during the day with open swimming on the weekends. An excellent deal!

Well I am in the 200's now for weight. This is an amazing change in my life. I am excited to feel good again and be out in the world, not hiding.

Feeling a little more normal.

Funny how one would not think of something like asparagas as being wonderful, but tonight for dinner we had asparagus, my protein salad and grilled ribeye. Jeff and I share a meat now. He sliced off a couple of wonderful pieces for me to enjoy. Beef is a toughie because of it being so fiborous, but I cut pencil-eraser size pieces and enjoyed it thoroughly. The asparagus was my favorite though, absolutely wonderful. Also a new find, laughing cow cheese french onion, yummy.

I am actually getting anxious to start exercising. I feel better than I have in years. I will be anxious to see what my weight is when I go back on November 6. I expect I will also be going back to work around the 10th. I have a size 18 swimsuit that was given to me by a friend. Who would have ever thought I would be in a size 18 again, certainly not me. But my friend (she had the surgery in February) said I would be there before you know it. So I am looking forward to being there.

My grandson can't figure out why I don't eat anymore than I do. It is hard to explain to him that mema's tummy just does not hold a lot of food any more.

Well tomorrow is a stamping day with friends. I am looking forward to that in the morning. I miss my daily visits with my friend in Minneapolis. We used to IM a lot, but she is very busy being mom, wife, sister, and employer. I know she is great at all of them.

A new pink robe.

Today I bought a new robe, a pink, so very soft robe in a size I thought I would be able to get into by December. Well I have it on right now. It is not as loose as I would like it but I am in it. I know, no shopping, but my robe that I had is a sad, sad shape story. My mom bought me this pretty baby blue terry robe and nightgown 5 years ago. I have worn it forever. I have been wanting a new warmer robe and finally today I found one in a regular department store, not a fat girl store. I also can wear the jammies that Jeff bought me for my birthday. Bless his heart he thought I was smaller than I was, but I am that size now.

Still struggling some with food, but ate 2 tablespoons of the inside of a stuffed green pepper, yummy. I also can eat ham salad. They were a treat. Clam chowder tasted yuky. Tomato soup is still my favorite.

I am thinking about getting a personal trainer just to get me in a habit of exercising regularly after I am released from the doctor. I need to get physical and in a routine. I think if I have to pay for it, I definitely will do this.

I have Nails, yup fingernails. They are pretty! The only time in my life where I had nails before was when I had the artificial ones, but these are mine, all mine.

I am not as down in the dumps as I was. I think each month it will get better.

Hell Week

I had read about it before my surgery and was so happy I was not experiencing it, but then crash, bang, and down for the count I went. Pretty blue. Missing eating, not hungry, wanting to go out with friends to socialize, but not up to par. I even tried stamp club, came home exhausted.

Now the diet is slowly progressing, but I am learning eating is not an easy task. I had 2 teaspoons of cottage cheese yesterday for dinner and 30 minutes later drank my protein shake of the day. Hot, cold, feverish, shaky. The pouch decided that was too much protein within a very short time period. Luckily I remembered the lying down tool. Off to bed I went for 3 hours of resting, sleep, and then getting up weak. Almost felt like a very short, short version of the flu. So today it is back to liquidy stuff and a very quiet day.

Staying hydrated is getting to be difficult too. My BIL brought bottled water for me, lots of it, but it still tastes like water. Oh well, I hate IVs so I keep drinking.

I think the food thing is getting to Jeff also. I try to save something to eat with him for each meal. Breakfast is easy. I can eat scrambled egg, yogurt, or cream of wheat cooked cereal, and he is always willing to share this with me. Lunch, well that is the start of the difference. He eats a sandwich and other things, I am not hungry so I eat so more yogurt. Supper is the worse because depending on the time frame, I may have to eat earlier than he does. I am learning to keep some Jello on hand and I can have a dish of Jello with him. I will be happy when I can start eating a little of his meal with him.

The weight is coming off. I have no idea how much, but it is cgoing. Even with the weather change the knee is not as bad as it had been before.

It will get better, just a little bit of hell right now.

The road to recovery

Jeff and I left for Grinnell Monday afternoon, checked into our hotel, drove around, and had supper at Godfather's Pizza. They had a wonderful salad bar which I was able to enjoy and Jeff could have the Pizza buffet. That night we talked about both our concerns and hopes. The next morning while Jeff was getting his breakfast I got myself prepped and ready for surgery. We were really early as I did not have to be to the hospital until 10:30 a.m. So we took a trip around Grinnell, Iowa. It is a beautiful little community reminensent of all of the old small towns we grew up with, sef sufficient.

After our ride we checked into the hospital and went up to the surgery waiting room. I was soon taken back to the back to get ready for surgery. Can you say high blood pressure???? I was much more nervous than I thought I would be. My blood pressure was 170/101..... Needless to say I got drugs really quick, also a massage to help relax me....yup they have massueses on the staff as they feel it is good for the whole patient. Everyone was wonderful. IV was in, Jeff came in for a kiss and an I love you. Off to surgery we went. I remember very little about the operating room, although they say I was awake for about 20 minutes getting ready for the surgery. Woke up in recovery.... wonderful nurse....I was able to have it laparoscopically. I was not sick at all, just sore, and very sleepy.

Once in my room, settled in, Jeff came in and we visited in spurts. I slept a lot. Dr. Coster came in and visited with both of us. My surgery went really well, except I had some adhesions he had to take care of first, but he was very pleased with the whole procedure. I have a very small pouch, 20 cc, really small. I was NPO for 5 hours and then ice chips until midnight when they took those away so that I could have a swallow study to make sure there were no leaks....

Unfortunately narcotics and I have a strange reaction together. I was wired for sound, up all night. Bless my nurse, Joyce, came and helped me walk, and sat me up in a comfy chair. She would come visit often to make sure I was doing okay.

The next morning the team was in to visit, all very pleased with my walking and alertness. Down to the swallow, now that was not fun..... I had to drink this foamy bitter, sweettart type drink thru a straw, then stand on a platform that moved. The more it moved the more I wanted to throw up, but I didn't because I did not want to drink anymore of that stuff. After that was done I came back to my room, Jeff was there after his breakfast to sit with me until I scooted him out the door to rescue Pablo from the Spa.

The swallow is done to make sure there are no leaks, although Dr. Coster blows up the pouch a lot to make sure that there are no leaks during surgery. Once the all clear came I was able to drink clear liquids. I got a sugar free popcicle, sugar free jello, coffee (yuk), vegetable broth (yuk). The popcicle was my choice.

My blood pressure was still running extremely high and my feet looked like something a hobbit would have (huge). They questioned both Jeff and I about my blood pressure. Jeff got pretty frustrated, but I know they just wanted to make sure that this was not the norm for me. After calling Dr. Coster's PA Jerrad, they were no longer worried. I still could not believe my feet.

I walked faithfully every 2 hours just because the bed was uncomfortable. Now having the surgery laparoscopically was great... but I now could not lie on either side as I had staples on both sides and a drain on the left side.

I have to say in all of the hospitals I have been in with my mom, MIL, myself, and Jeff; Grinnell Regional Medical Center was the best as far as clean, staff efficiency, caring, and team work. Even Jeff was impressed. The floor I was on was "gorgeous" as hospitals go. They had an aviary filled with the most pretty birds you could imagine. I would walk there and watch them 3 to 4 times a day, a quiet room with a water fountain and soft, soft music in the background, beautiful grounds to look down upon from my window with a lighted gazebo. It was too chilly otherwise they would have let me walk outside with help. I had a massage every day around 5:30.

They kept me until Friday because my blood count was not up to par, and a bypass patient has a harder time recouping those little blood cells. It was still low on check out, but improving. I will have another test when I go down on Thursday for my check up.

So I am home now, learning to eat slowly because I fill up very quickly, finding out I don't like coffee anymore. Baby food meats suck! Tomato soup tastes wonderful. I have to force myself to eat as I am not hungry although my head tells me I should be. I guess that is normal. Drinking water is a constant. Don't leave home without it so they say. I love hot tea. Popcicles still taste wonderful.

Oh yes, the feet look like normal feet now...I have spent a lot of time in the bathroom, a lot~~~~

One last hurdle before surgery

Today will be my final doctor visit with my local doctor for a preop heart and lung check. Yesterday Joyce and I went to Grinnell for my preanesthesia appointment, a little exercise consultation, and also meeting with Stef, the bariatric coordinator.

Again a very full day. The exercises with the theraband will be great for me to do, especially with the knee bothering me with the weather changes. I am so out of shape I could definitely feel the muscles working. Good deal! They need to work. Then we went on to the hospital for a preadmission appointment. The surgical nurse met with us to go over everything possible about my surgery including how I will be if I have the surgery laparoscopically or if I have it open. She also did my EKG, which was normal whew!, and my blood work. I was suppose to meet with an anesthesiologist but they were both tied up in surgery and I am not really worried about that aspect. I had a chest x-ray. Then we were off to see Ms. Stef.

Finally I saw the one thing I had wanted to do for weeks since I started this starvation process, the scale. There was a new nurse which took us back to the room. Then out to the scale, yes!!!!! I was down 18 pounds since my original visit. This would be my prediet weight, 329 pounds. Yup I put the actually weight down in writing, which boy is really hard for me to do. I have to do this as a definite this is where you are and each time I can see how far I have come.

They will not give me a definite weight loss goal, except for a healthy weight. That is okay. That is why I am doing this. Will I be model weight or even 150 pounds? I don't think so, but I think I will be healthy. I think I will not have to walk in a restuarant and see a chair that I can't sit in and have to find another, or wait an extra 20 minutes for a table because booths are just to iffy. I think I will be able to buy clothes in my own community and not have to drive to a specialty store. (although I am going to look pretty weird for awhile, I have no small clothes in my closet because I had figured I would never get thinner.)

Stef went over the statistics. Dr. Coster has been doing this surgery for 18 years. His training was done by a doctor who was originally trained by the doctor that invented the RNY gastric bypass. He has had 3 deaths that have been reported due with this surgery due to the fact that these people died within 90 days of the surgery. One was a woman who flew 2 months out from surgery developed a blood clot, local doctor treated her for cellulitis; a gentleman who had a heart attack 90 days after the surgery, and a woman who was 780 pounds and was at the University of Iowa given only 2 weeks to live. Her family thought this might be a last saving effort. She died 2 weeks out from surgery. He has a 2% leak ratio, which is extremely below the national average. I knew most of this going into the first appointment as I had been trying to figure out where I wanted to go. The other thing that really brought me to this man is that he has a very strong faith. He actually had a degree in theology and was thinking of ministry but felt his calling to be surgery.

Any way signed my consent, paid the remainder of my out-of-pocket to them, and we came home. Joyce is an angel, she listens to me rattle on, I am sure she must be bored out of her mind.

So today I go see Lark, then the count down, and waiting. I have enough to do that the time will fly by.

Oh yes the MIL issue....I am not getting involved....I feel bad....but I need to be calm and relaxed before my surgery....this time I am using self preservation and thinking of me.

Tired, so very very tired.

I don't think my body likes this diet it is on. I am so tired and scattered brained. I took an hour nap at lunch time to see if that helped and all it did was make me want to lie down more. Pablo is the best nap buddy because he just lies there right beside me snoring away. I have been wearing that stupid mask and it does not seem to be a huge help either.

One night this week, dread of dreads, we have to get the tape measure out. I am suppose to take body measurements of legs, arms, waist, wrists, hips, chest, and neck. They say the reasoning behind this is because you will have periods of time that you will not be losing weight like you think you should, but you will be losing inches and remodeling your body. The reality will hit in that I am not a 36, 24, 36 hour glass figure. Betty Boop I ain't. Sad part is that I can tell that I have lost weight in the chest.... I will have no chest after I have lost the weight. The only before surgery picture will be the one of my brother and I. I think I will do monthly photos after surgery just to see the weight loss.

On a positive note, I have not had heartburn since those gosh awful antibiotics and since the diet has changed. I enjoy drinking a seltzer with a twist of lemon and lime when out with friends. I have not had any swelling in my feet or ankles either. I will be very curious to see just how much I am down from the beginning.

Samples, good grief, I have samples of Whey Protein in every flavor (including chicken soup YUK) coming to me in the mail. I figured they are free and this stuff ain't cheap. Some I have tried gag me, some have been very good. I am hoping to get some premixed stuff to try to see if I like that or not.

Jeff is having a hard time wrapping his head around this. He is scared and I know that, and I think he will do better after the surgery is over, but right now he is just not quite getting the diet routine.

Tomorrow is my preoperative lab testing, chest x-ray and EKG. I have an appointment with the therapist (lil Hitler) to get some indoor exercises to help me work out so my poor knees aren't always so sore. Then I will end the day with seeing Stef and Dr Coster signing my consent.

Wednesday morning I will be going over to my regular doctor for a heart and lung check. I love Lark. She is a great nurse practitioner. She will help me however she can.

Then it will be just finishing off the rest of the week and getting ready for MOnday's drive to Grinnell and surgery on Tuesday.

My son thinks I have lost it.

Today was an emotional rollar coaster day. I think it is nerves and food depravation. My son thinks I have just lost it. We talked in the morning and I was all chipper. Then we visited a while in the afternoon and I was weepy. How dumb can that be? I felt so bad, but I did a lot of that crying all day today. They told us that would not be uncommon.

I am doing a me day tomorrow, heading up to the cities, spending some time with Michelle, my friend. Seeing her new home. Just being girls together.

Oh interesting news. I ran into a friend today that I had not seen in 11 months. She is thin, really thin, looking awesome. We visited and I told her how great she looks. She had the surgery. She is going to be my exercise buddy when I get back from surgery. I am excited for this. We are going to be doing water aerobics 5:15 pm at night. Therabands and water aerobics, Lord I am going to be fit. It sounds good fit.

The Journey begins

Losing myself, wow, I will be doing that losing a person that I have known for so many years on the ouside, I think the inner me is pretty much going to be the same. I might have a little confidence in going places and meeting new people, but otherwise I like me on the inside, just not on the outside.

Now the kayaking comes from being something I have wanted to do forever since we went to the Apostle Islands in Bayfield Wisconsin. I want to kayake on Lake Superior to the island caves. I probably will need to have lessons before going out on that huge lake. Kayaking is a goal, an activity I will enjoy when I have lost myself.

I have been thinking about weight loss in some shape or form since I was in my teen years. At that time I weighed a healthy 135 pounds. This is my journel spot for my weight loss journey began in June with a trip down to Grinnell, Iowa, to meet my surgeon and my team, the people in my corner to help me get healthy. Of course I am blessed with wonderful friends who have been there for me through all of this and will be, they are just those kind of friends. (Joyce, Kari, Lori, and Michelle, thanks ladies you are beyond wonderful). Since that time I have been working at getting healthy for my surgery that is on September 30, 2008.

So the journey begins and I am excited, scared, nervous, bitchy, and weepy. Read along with me. Some days will be up and some days down, I expect that, so will be my entries in this journal.